Home Alone

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EFL Movie Study Guides (for English learners)

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EFL Movie Study Guide for: Home Alone (1)

from www.krigline.com   www.krigline.com.cn


Story: “A family comedy without the family.” It’s Christmas, but 8-year-old Kevin missed the airplane! Alone at home, he learns that stupid thieves want to rob his house, but he is determined to stop them! This funny film is full of wordless humor and holiday cheer, but it also shows the value of family and neighbors. (1990; Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci; Fox; holiday comedy; PG rating; 98 min)

Detailed Movie Summary

            The story starts with the McAllister house in chaos, with lots of children running around. A police officer is at the front door, and he wants to talk to a parent, but everyone ignores him. Actually, he is a thief in disguise, making sure that the family will be leaving for the holidays. The mother tells him they are going to Paris, which makes him very happy.

            We quickly see that Kevin (age 8) is spoiled, and that his family members are tired of his bad attitude. After causing lots of trouble, Kevin is sent to sleep alone on the top floor of their big house.

            In the night, a storm kills the electricity. Alarm clocks do not go off, so the family wakes up late, and rushes to the airport. Someone “miscounts” by including a neighbor kid, but Kevin is still asleep upstairs.

            While on the plane, they realize that Kevin is not with them. The mother tries to get home, but it is Christmastime so there are no available flights. Eventually, she gets back to the US and hitches a ride with a Polka band (musicians).

            Meanwhile, Kevin is able to fool the thieves for a while (making them think that the family is home). But when they discover that they are “getting scammed by a kindergartener” they decide to rob the house even though Kevin is there. Kevin overhears their plan, and creates various ways to defend his house from these stupid thieves. (They leave the water running when they rob a house—as a “calling card” so that the newspapers will call them “the Wet Bandits”.)

            One important part involves dialog from an old movie, where a bad man kills another man with a machine gun. Kevin uses this twice, first to “talk” to the pizza delivery man, and then to fool the thieves. Here is that dialog:


Johnny: Who is it?

Snakes: It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.

Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here.

Snakes: All right, Johnny, but what about my money?

Johnny: What money?

Snakes: A.C. said you had some dough for me.

Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?

Snakes: A.C. said 10%.

Johnny: Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.

Snakes: What do ya mean?

Johnny: He's upstairs taking a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.

Johnny: Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. [pulls out machine gun]  I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!

Snakes: All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm going!

Johnny: 1... 2... 10!

[starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]

Johnny: Keep the change, you filthy animal!


            One other important person is Kevin’s elderly neighbor. Kevin’s brother Buzz told Kevin that the neighbor was a “mass murderer” who killed lots of people with a snow shovel. This makes Kevin afraid of this man, whom he should be asking for help.

            The ways that Kevin defeats the bandits are very funny (and don’t need “words”), so many Americans watch this film every year. Even if you don’t understand the dialogs at the beginning, you will laugh at the end. During the film you will also see at least two other classic films on someone’s TV (The Grinch and It’s a Wonderful Life); there are study guides for both of these on my website. http://www.krigline.com.cn/movies.htm


Note to English learners: Don’t worry too much about the dialogs! A lot of the humor is physical (it doesn’t require that you understand the words), so you’ll enjoy this film no matter what your English level.


Sorry that I didn't take the time to create a vocabulary section! But if you study these dialogs before you watch (and look up words you don't know), then watching this film will not only be fun, but will help improve your English!

Sentences/dialogs from the movie (with some explanations, too):

(in part from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785/quotes; blue sections are particularly important; imdb's website is a great place to find movie facts and more)

Say these dialogs out loud with your friends; it will help you prepare to watch the movie.


The story starts with the house in chaos. A police officer is at the front door, and he wants to talk to a parent, but everyone ignores him. Actually, he is a thief in disguise, making sure that the family will be leaving the country. One by one, the kids walk past the officer (Harry), and they keep saying they don’t live there.

We quickly see that Kevin (age 8) is spoiled, and that his family members are tired of his bad attitude. Later, his mom says “Why are you the only one acting up?”


Kevin: Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?

Kate (Mom): Kevin, I'm on the phone.

Kevin: It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk.

Kate (Mom): Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad.

Kate (Mom): [while on the phone; Kevin jumps onto the bed] No, we're not bringing the dog. We took him to the kennel... Hey, hey! Get off. Kevin, out of the room!

Kevin: Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you?

Peter (Dad) [entering the room]: Hey did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing?

Kate (Mom): No, I didn't have time to do that.

Peter (Dad): Well how am I supposed to shave in France?

Kate (Mom): Grow a goatee.

Kevin: Dad, nobody will let me do anything.

Peter: You want something to do? Go pick up those Micro Machines [toy cars] that are all over the place. Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck.


“Officer” Harry: Hi.

Brooke McCallister: Hi.

Harry: Are your parents home?

Brooke McCallister: Yeah.

Harry: Do they live here?

Brooke McCallister: No. [walks off]

Harry: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.


Kevin is horrified when his aunt says to “pack your suitcase” because he doesn’t know how. His brother tells him to just pack “toilet paper and water.”

Linnie McCallister: Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's going to pack your stuff anyway. You're what the French call "les incompetents".


Linnie tells Kevin he’ll have to sleep with another child who “wets the bed”, so he starts looking for a different place to sleep.


Kevin: This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Did you hear me? [jumping angrily] I'm living alone! I'm living alone!

Rod McCallister: Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?

Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say, is it true that French babes don't shave their pits?

Rod McCallister: Some don't.

Buzz McCallister: But they got nude beaches?

Rod McCallister: Not in the winter.


His brother, Buzz, strongly rejects Kevin’s request to sleep in his room. Then Buzz starts talking about a mysterious neighbor. 

Buzz: Check it out. Old man Marley. [Have] You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That’s him. Back in 1958 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block, with a snow shovel. Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since.

Cousin Rod: If he’s the Shovel Slayer, how come the cops don’t arrest him?

Buzz: Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. But everyone around here knows he did it. It’ll just be a matter of time before he does it again.

Cousin Rod: What’s he doing?

Buzz: He walks up and down the streets every night, salting the sidewalks. See that garbage can full of salt? That’s where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies into mummies.


Uncle Frank: [to Little Nero's pizza delivery man] Eh it's my brother's house, he'll take care of it.


Peter (Dad): Hi.

Harry (dressed like a police officer): Hi. Are you Mr. McCallister?

Peter (Dad): Yeah.

Harry: The Mr. McCallister who lives here?

Peter (Dad): Yes.

Pizza Boy: Oh, good, because somebody owes me $122.50.

Harry: Then I’d like a word with you sir.

Peter: Am I under arrest or something?

Harry: No, no. It’s Christmas. There’s always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we’re just checking the neighborhood to see if everyone’s taken the proper precautions, that’s all.

Peter: We have automatic timers for our lights; locks for our doors. That’s about as well as anybody can do.



Peter (Dad): Honey, the pizza boy need $122 dollars plus tip.

Kate (Mom): For pizza?

Peter (Dad): Ten pizzas times twelve bucks!

Leslie McCallister: Frank, you've got money don't you?

Uncle Frank: Traveler's checks.

Kate (Mom): Forget it, Frank. We have cash.

Peter (Dad): You probably have the kind of traveler's checks that don't work in France.


Downstairs, Kevin learns that Buzz has eaten “his” pizza, and they start to fight (making a big mess).


Later, Kevin’s mom tells the “officer” that they are flying to Paris in the morning, which makes him very happy!


Kate (Mom): There are 15 people in this house, you're the only one who has to make trouble.

Kevin: I'm the only one getting dumped on.

Kate (Mom): You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs.

Kevin: I am upstairs, dummy.


Kate (his mom) sends him to sleep on the third floor, which they don’t normally use.


Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me!

Kate (Mom): Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

Kevin: I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!

Kate (Mom): Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.

Kevin: I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.

Kate (Mom): [softly] I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.

Kevin: No, I wouldn't.

Kate (Mom): Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.

Kevin: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!


A storm breaks a tree limb, and the power is cut off so their alarm clocks don’t work. They wake up when the “Airport Vans” arrive.


Mitch Murphy: Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street. You guys going out of town? We're going to Orlando, Florida. Well, actually, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma. Did you know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold there? Do these vans get good gas mileage?

Airport Driver: Gee, kid, I don't know. Hit the road.


Inside, everyone is running around crazy, trying to get out as quickly as possible.


Kate: Heather! Do a head count. Make sure everyone is in the vans. Where are the passports and tickets?

Peter (Dad): I put them in the microwave to dry them off.


Mitch Murphy: [talking to the driver about the Airport-van] How fast does this thing go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have four-wheel drive?

Airport Driver: Look, I told you before, kid. Don't bother me. Now beat it.


Heather does a head-count, but she counts a neighbor (Mitch) instead of Kevin, who is still asleep upstairs.


Uncle Frank: There's no way on earth we can make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.

Peter (Dad): Think positive, Frank!

Uncle Frank: You be positive. I'll be realistic.

Electricity repairman: Excuse me, ma'am, I wanted to let you know that your power is fixed, but the phone lines are a mess. It's gonna take Ma Bell a couple of days to patch them up. Especially around the holidays.

Kate [Without really listening, because they are in a hurry]: Okay, thanks.

Kate (Mom): Heather, did you count heads?

Heather McCallister: Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.


They miraculously get to the airplane, just as the doors are closing. The kids are in “cabin class” while the parents are in “first class” so they don’t know that Kevin is missing.



Kevin wakes up alone, and searches the empty house.


Kevin: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear.

[Then he thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]

Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless!

Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call “les incompetents.”

Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.

Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are such a disease!

Kate (Mom): There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

Uncle Frank: Look what you did, you little jerk.

Kevin: [cheerfully] I made my family disappear.


Kevin decides to go look through his brother’s “private” things. After looking at a Playboy magazine he says…

Kevin: No clothes on anybody. Sickening. [loudly] Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff! You'd better come out and pound me! [to himself, while looking at a photo] Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!


Kevin goes to the kitchen to eat ice cream and watch the movie his uncle wouldn’t let him see the night before.


Kevin: Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!


Video dialog (which Kevin uses later):

Gangster 'Johnny': [hears knock at door] Who is it?

Gangster 'Snakes': [Snakes comes in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.

Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.

Gangster 'Snakes': All right, Johnny, but what about my money?

Gangster 'Johnny': What money?

Gangster 'Snakes': A.C. said you had some dough for me.

Gangster 'Johnny': Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?

Gangster 'Snakes': A.C. said 10%.

Gangster 'Johnny': [smirks] Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.

Gangster 'Snakes': What do ya mean?

Gangster 'Johnny': He's upstairs takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.


Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. [pulls out machine gun]  I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!

Gangster 'Snakes': [wide eyed and calm] All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm going!

Gangster 'Johnny': 1... 2... 10!

[starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]

Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal!


On the airplane, Kate starts to feel like “we didn’t do something.”

Kate (Mom): Did I turn off the coffee?

Peter (Dad): No... I did.

Kate (Mom): Did you lock up?

Peter (Dad): Yeah.  

Kate (Mom): Did you close the garage?

Peter (Dad): That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.

Kate (Mom): [After a pause:] No, that's not it.

Peter (Dad): Well what else could we be forgetting?

Kate (Mom) [jumping up after a thoughtful pause]: KEVIN!


Kate (Mom): How could we do this? We forgot him.

Peter (Dad): We didn't forget him, we just miscounted.

Kate (Mom): What kind of a mother am I?

Uncle Frank: If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses.


Then we see Marv and Harry, talking about all the families who are on vacation, and all the houses they plan to steal from.


Harry: [pointing to the McCallister house] That's the one, Marv, that's the silver tuna.

Marv: Oh, it's very G.

Harry: Very G, huh? It's loaded. It's got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs...

Marv: Toys?

Harry: Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash horde. Odd marketable securities... Who knows. It's a gem. Grab your crow bar. Crowbars up. [they clink their crow bars together]


Kevin turns on lights, which startles the thieves,  so they leave. Then Kevin goes to hide under a bed. But soon he decides that he can’t be afraid because now he is “the man of the house.” Then he goes outside.


Kevin: Hey, I'm not afraid any more! I said I'm not afraid any more! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid any more!


Old Man Marley approaches Kevin and stares at him - Kevin runs back inside, screaming like a maniac


In Paris, Kate calls the police. They go to “check on” Kevin, but he is too afraid to open the door, and the police leave. Meanwhile, all the flights back to the US are full. Kate stays at the airport, hoping to fly “stand by.”


Kevin: I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.



Kevin: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?

Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.

Kevin: Well, can you please find out?


Kevin runs into his neighbor, the “murderer”, and gets scared, so he runs away without paying for the toothbrush. A policeman chases him.


Kevin: [after outrunning the police] I'm a criminal...


Marv leaves the water on after they steal things; he says this is their “calling card” so that they can become famous as “the Wet Bandits.” As they pull out of the driveway, their van almost hits Kevin.


Harry: Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son. You know?

Kevin: Sorry.

Harry: Damn!

Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.

Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas. [smiles; his gold tooth glistens; Kevin gasps] 


Harry doesn’t like the way Kevin reacted, so they follow him.


Marv [as Kevin suddenly runs] Why is he going faster?

Harry: See, I told you something was wrong. See I knew he looked at me weird. Why would he run?

Kevin [to himself, after he gets away]: When those guys come back, I’ll be ready.



Megan (sister): You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?

Buzz (brother): No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.


Kate is trying to get a woman to sell her a ticket from Paris to the US; the woman’s husband wants to board.


Woman in Airport: This girl is offering us first class tickets... if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, five hundred dollars and...

Kate (Mom): The earrings, you love the earrings?

Man in Airport: She's got her own earrings, a whole show box full of them dangly ones.

Kate: I’m begging you. As a mother to a mother.


Kevin orders a pizza, and then uses the video to “talk” to the delivery guy.


Gangster 'Johnny': Who is it?

Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.

Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it at the doorstep and get the hell outta here.

Pizza Boy: Okay, but what about the money?

Gangster 'Johnny': What money?

Pizza Boy: Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.

Gangster 'Johnny': How much do I owe you?

Pizza Boy: That'll be $11.80, sir.

[Kevin drops the money from the dog door, but only gives a 20-cent tip (it should be a dollar or more).]

Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

Pizza Boy: Cheapskate. [he starts to leave, but is stopped by Johnny's next line]

Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!

[machine gun fire]

Gangster 'Johnny': [Pizza Boy runs from the house and speeds away in the delivery car]

[Kevin opens the door and brings the pizza inside]

Kevin: A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.


The next day, Kevin goes to the store to get milk and other things.


[the check-out woman holds up a bag full of army men, and gives Kevin a funny look]

Kevin: For the kids.

Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?

Kevin: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don't think so.

Check-Out Woman: Where's your mom?

Kevin: In the car.

Check-Out Woman: Where's your father?

Kevin: He's at work.

Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?

Kevin: I'm an only child.

Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?

Kevin: I can't tell you that.

Check-Out Woman: Why not?

Kevin: Because you're a stranger.


The scary furnace in the basement seem to be laughing at Kevin: Ha, ha, ha. Hello, Kevin. Ha, ha, ha.

Kevin: Shut up.


Marv: [listening to a phone message in the house they are robbing] Hey, Harry, that house we were at last night, was that the McCallisters?

Harry: Yeah.

Marv: You're right. They're gone.

Harry: I knew they were.

Marv: Silver tuna tonight!


Harry: [Marv brings a load of stolen goods from the Murphy household to the van and Harry sees him laughing] What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again didn't you? You left the water running. What's wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it.

Marv: Harry, it's our calling card!

Harry: Calling card.

Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits!


Harry: [sitting outside the McCallister house] I don't get it. I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain't right. Go check it out.

Marv: [Stares blankly] Now?

Harry [sarcastically]: No, tomorrow, egghead. NOW! Go ahead!


Kevin uses the video again, and scares Marv away. But (back in the van) they decide to wait and see who comes out. Later, they see Kevin come out and cut off part of a “Christmas tree” to take inside.


Harry: I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartener.

Even though Kevin is there, they decide to rob the house, after it gets dark.

Marv: Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.

Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv. 


Kate (Mom): [to the Scranton Ticket Agent, who can’t get her a flight home] I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I? [Scranton] I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son. And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless? [shouting] No! This is Christmas. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.


Gus Polinski then invites Kate to travel with his Polka Band, in a rented van, which is heading through her town.



Santa Claus: Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?


Kevin: Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?

Santa Claus: Yes, but make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for.

Kevin: Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus.

Santa Claus: [his beard is pulled down, revealing his real face] What makes you say that? Er, just out of curiosity.


Kevin: This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys, nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie, and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if you have time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?


Marley: You live down the street from me right?, You know anytime you see you can always say hello, you don't have to be afraid. A lot of stuff has been said about me, none of it's true.


Kevin: So give it a shot, for your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you and the presents.

Marley: I send her a check.

Kevin: I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it.

Marley: That's nice.

Kevin: Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.


Kevin: No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid?

Marley: You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid!


Kevin: This is my house, I have to defend it.


Kevin: Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.


Marv: [Harry and Marv arrive at the Mcallister house at 9:00PM] So how do you want to get in?

Harry: We'll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know.

Marv: Yeah. He's a kid. Kids are stupid.



Harry: [knocks on the back door] Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.

Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!

Harry: [snickers] We're not gonna hurt you.

Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.

[Below their heads, Kevin slowly pushes the barrel of the air rifle through the doggie door and takes aim at Harry's groin]

Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door.


Harry: [high-pitched] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...

[Cursing fluently under his breath, he hops around, and falls to his knees]

Marv: What? What happened?

Harry: Get the little...!

[Marv goes back and sticks his head through the dog door... and sees Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes.]

Kevin: Hello.


Marv: AH! AHHH...!

[Marv falls back out of the doggie door, clutching his face]

Kevin: Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!

[He runs off to prepare the next trap]

Marv: The little jerk is armed!

Harry: That's it, that's it! I'm going round the front, you go down to the basement!

[He storms off, swearing under his breath]


Harry: [Barges through the kitchen door after his head is blow-torched] Where are you, you little CREEP?


Kevin: [behind the dining room door] Oh no, I'm really scared!

Harry: It's too late for you, kid; we're already in the house. We're gonna get ya!

Kevin: OK, come and get me!


Harry: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?

Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?


Marv: [shouting] I'm gonna kill this kid!


Kevin: You guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?


Harry: You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil!


Marv: [looking at the spider on Harry] Harry... don't move...

Harry: Marv? Marv...

Harry: [Marv hits him with the crowbar] Jeez... So... crumbin!

Marv: Did I get him?

Harry: [starts wacking Marv] How do you like that? *Huh*! Jerk. Get that kid, Marv, get that kid!  



[Harry and Marv have caught Kevin in the Murphy's house and hung him on the basement door]

Marv: What are we gonna do to him, Harry?

Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!

Marv: And smash his face with an iron!

Harry: How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!

Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!

[Behind them, Marley sneaks in with his snow shovel]

Harry: First thing I'm gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time...

[Marley raises his shovel and knocks Marv out cold, Harry turns around only to be knocked out, too. Marley lifts Kevin off the door]

Marley: Come on, let's get you home.



Officer Devereux: Hey, you know we've been looking for you two guys for a long time. You guys are always leaving the water running whenever you break in, now we know each and every house you guys have hit.

Marv: Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.

Harry: [shouting] Shut up.


Kevin: I went shopping yesterday.

Jeff McCallister: You? Shopping?

Kevin: I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.

Peter (Dad): No kidding. What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away?

Kevin: Just hung around.

Buzz McCallister: He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping!


[last lines] Buzz McCallister: [shouting] Kevin, what did you do to my room?

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