Authentic Identity

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(Note: This is the original [long] form of a speech I gave at The Bridge in Xiamen, November 8, 2014.)

 

Authentic Identity

Michael Krigline (November 8, 2014)    www.krigline.com

            Who are you?

            You are more than just a name, so the question is not as easy to answer as you might think. When I asked that, you might have started thinking about your name and address, or about the relationships that are important to you, or maybe about your job. But many of those things change over time, so is that really your authentic identity? And is it ONE of those things, or all of them that really defines your authentic identity? So, again, I ask, who are you? And if you think it is hard to answer that question to your own satisfaction, just imagine how hard it is to explain your identity to someone else. To illustrate, Shirley and I will do a little skit.

 

Shirley: Hello, sir, is this your first time at the Bridge? Welcome!

MK: Yes, this is my first time. Someone told me to ask for someone called Shirley.

Shirley: Great! Well, [pointing to her nametag] I’m Shirley!

MK: Prove it.

Shirley: I beg your pardon?

MK: Well, I don’t know if you are really Shirley or not, so prove it. I want to be sure I’m talking to the authentic Shirley, and not a pretender.

Shirley: Well… [reaching into her purse], here is my passport. This proves I’m really me.

MK: Wait a minute, this has a Chinese name. I can’t read Chinese, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say “Shirley.”

S: Well, yes, I have a Chinese name, but I also have an English name. Lots of Chinese people do. In fact, my English name is on my student ID. See?

MK: I’ve read about lots of people with fake student IDs. I’m not so sure this one is authentic. And I really have to be sure.

S: Here is a copy of my college graduation certificate.

MK: A copy? copy? I want something authentic.

S: Well, sir, you can ask my friends. They will tell you who I am. [Just then, somebody walks by, and Shirley asks him/her] Hey, [Friend], would you please tell this gentleman my name?

Friend: It’s Shirley. Her name is Shirley. [and then he/she walks off stage]

MK: How do I know he/she isn’t lying? You could have paid him/her to say that.

S (perhaps a bit sarcastic): Well, how about if I call my mother. She can tell you my authentic identity.

MK: On the phone? There’s no way to know she is really your mother. You could be calling …that girl, and she could be lying too!

S: What if you talked to my workmates?

MK: How would I know they are trustworthy? Or maybe you’ve deceived them too.

Shirley [with sincerity/compassion]: Well, honestly, I… I just don’t know what else to say. I’ve tried my best. I am really Shirley, and I’m very friendly, and I’d love to be your friend too. In the end, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it, won’t you?

MK: I was hoping for something more convincing. [sigh] I’ll think about it… [they both walk off in different directions]

 

            Turn to your partner, and tell them something else Shirley could have done to convince me. [hear a few]

 

            Before I became a Christian I wondered who I “really was.” In English, we can say “I had an identity crisis.” (自我认同危机) Unable to figure out my true identity, I was often depressed and lonely (I even considered ending my own life, and boy am I glad I didn’t do that—for just a few years later I discovered things that brought unexpected joy and peace into my life). Maybe you sometimes feel depressed, or unsure about your real identity—if so, stick around because I’ve got good news for you. Today I hope to help you understand the things that define your true identity.

            At the Bridge, our Life Talks these days are about things that are “authentic,” because we all know that we are surrounded by fake things, or things that don’t measure up to the standards of something real. And while many people just don’t understand their authentic identity (like I didn’t for a long time), others actually try to establish a “false identity” for themselves, or at least an identity they cannot attain.

            For example:

            I’ve heard of women who always picture themselves as a mother, I mean, they REALLY want a baby, even though they aren’t even married yet! At this stage in their lives, they have taken on a false identity, and it might even keep them from meeting “Mr. Right” and actually becoming what they want to be.

            Another example is the person who sees himself as a successful entrepreneur or rich businessman, even though they don’t have the training or mindset or capital needed to become one. We need to be realistic about who we are.

            Others strive to look like a model or star athlete, even if they just weren’t born with the raw material. Let’s face it, most of us don’t look like movie stars or jump like professional basketball players. That is why THEY are stars, and we are not. I like what a famous Olympic coach once said: ‘I can’t get out what God hasn’t put in, but if you work with me I can help you run faster.’ We can all “run faster” but it isn’t wise to deceive ourselves about an identity that we cannot attain.

            I met a man in Taiwan who sees himself as an American. He eats American food, listens to American music, and even flies an American flag, but the truth is that he is Chinese and until he moves to the US and a judge says otherwise, he is not really an American.

            I’m not talking about goals—we need to set goals, and we need to work toward achieving them. Maybe your goal is to speak English fluently; you are here today, working to achieve that goal, and that is very good! But I’m not talking about goals. I’m talking about identity. I’m talking about who we are, when everything else is stripped away. Be honest with yourself. Because an unrealistic self-identity can be wasteful or dangerous, and it isn’t necessary. I believe we were all born with a “mark” that cries out: “You were designed to be special!” Your authentic identity is, so to speak, stamped on your very hands.

            But before we get to that “mark,” let’s look at some things that DO affect our true identity, at least at one stage of life or another. When you seek an answer to the question “Who am I?”, here are some things you might want to look at. (We already hinted at many of them during our skit.)

 

            Birth, or adoption, affects your identity. Shirley said, “My mom can tell you who I am,” and she was right. We don’t choose our parents, or the economic status of our family during childhood. If you had good parents, be thankful. If you were abused or otherwise suffered during childhood—and many people are—then you need to work extra hard to redefine your identity by becoming part of a different “family” now that you are older. This new “family” might be a spouse or new friends, but choose wisely. Many “hurt” people choose a second family like the first one. It is a sad psychological reality. Don’t do that! If you want my advice, instead choose a church family as your new family. I’ll say more about that in a moment. For now, let’s move to number two.

            Marriage is next. In America, women generally take on their husband’s family name. The day before I married Vivian, people at work called her “Miss All,” but after our honeymoon they called her “Mrs. Krigline.” I know this isn’t the custom here, but married people nonetheless become part of a new family—both a new family with your spouse, AND the old family he/she brought into your life. Your identity will certainly change as these relationships affect you. You cannot have complete control on just how much they affect you, but you can choose NOT to define yourself through the eyes of those who see you as an “outsider” or as someone “not good enough” for this family. Instead, see yourself as “loved” by those who love you. That’s a choice only you can make. So in sum, your family status affects your true identity, so choose wisely.

            Similarly, parenthood affects your identity. Some people continue to define themselves as “childless” after a baby is born, and refuse to participate in all the extra work that messy babies bring. In the past few weeks, I talked to two young fathers. One man said, “I only see my baby son on weekends, because my parents take care of him,” while the other said, “I’m going to play with my son after work, so I can’t read your report until he is asleep.” One’s identity is tied closely to his job (and for many professionals in China, this is normal—and some even say it is unavoidable), and he admits that his relationship with his son is not very close. The other one has embraced the identity of a father, in spite of the costs it brings to his career; and he is building the emotional closeness that parents and children need to make it through difficult teenage years. All parents must make difficult choices between work, family, expenses and other things. So, think about these things carefully before you choose to have a child. Healthy families start when individuals embrace the responsibilities connected with their authentic identity.

            Shirley also offered to show me her graduation certificate. Yes, graduation from college should have a big effect on our identity. I tell my students that just by being in college, they are part of the “top” of society because only 7% of the world’s people ever get to go to college (up from 1% in 2006). What does that mean for your true identity? It should mean that you can say to yourself: I know how to think and evaluate; I know how to find useful information; and it is up to me to help many of that 93% of The People who are less fortunate than I am. Your status as an educated person affects your identity.

            Your employment status is next. People in modern societies, and especially educated people like you, tend to connect their identity to their work. How do you think a man would define himself if:

      1. he works in a big office, high above the city

      2. he doesn’t have a job at the moment

      3. his co-workers are always complaining about how slow he is

      4. his boss threatens to fire him if sales numbers don’t increase

      5. a secretary at work smiles and talks to him the way his wife used to

      6. he just earned a promotion, along with more money and more pressure

If you wait until these situations occur to discover your true identity, you will be tossed back and forth like small boat on an angry sea. Last week, Luke told us that many Chinese businessmen say they MUST sacrifice “family” for the sake of their career. Really? I refuse to believe that is my only choice! Yes, work is important, but it is not the ONLY aspect of your identity! People don’t WANT to lose their job or their family; most just never took the time to define who they really are, so they can’t keep all of the aspects of their identity in proper balance.

 

            Finally, your health is a key factor in your true identity. Now it’s your turn to talk. Tell your partner how “health” can be related to someone’s identity….

--maybe these words will help: diet (规定饮食), exercise (锻炼), alcohol (饮酒 ), smoking (吸烟 ), allergy (过敏 ), disease (疾病 ), injury (伤害 ), choices (选择 )

--If you are healthy, thank God and work to stay that way. But if you are not healthy, you’ve got some choices to make. Here’s a famous prayer that many find helpful (it’s called the Serenity Prayer): “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” “上帝,请赐予我:平和的心态去接受我无法改变的事情,勇气去改变我可以改变的事情,并有智慧来分辨这两者。” [Visit http://www.krigline.com.cn/wallpaper.htm for free wallpaper with this prayer.] And even if you can’t improve or change some aspect of your health, you can still choose to focus on the positive strengths and relationships in your life, instead of negative ones. You can’t let your limitations define who you are.

 

(continued in next column)

(continued from left column)

 

So, what major factors affect our authentic identity? Here’s my list again:

--birth/adoption (childhood family)

--marriage/family

--graduation

--job description

--health issues  

 

            Turn to someone around you, and (in English if possible) say which of these factors is having the strongest influence right now on your sense of identity.

 

            That fourth factor is having the strongest influence on me right now. In fact, this Life Talk was inspired by the fact that I had to prove my real identity recently. Some of you know that I’ve been teaching in China for many years. But now, a local company wants to hire me as an English language consultant. And in China, when you change jobs like that, you have to prove your identity. I had to get my college degrees translated and authenticated by the Chinese embassy in America. I also had to do other things, including getting an FBI report saying I don’t have a criminal record. The first step in getting that important document was to go to a special office and give them my fingerprints.

            As I thought about this, I realized that fingerprints are really amazing.

            Look at the “fingerprint” of the person next to you, and compare it to your own. I want to know if any two of you have the same fingerprint. [Go ahead!]

 

            Obviously, none of us share the same fingerprint. Your fingerprint is one, authentic, unquestionable, unfakeable way to prove your identity. And fingerprints only work because every fingerprint is different. Or I would say, it is only because God has gone to all the trouble to create every finger differently. For all we know, no two fingerprints in history have been the same. That means 10 fingers x 7 billion people living now, and 100 billion more in history (www.prb.org). That is over a trillion different fingerprints!

            And by the way, if you have ever had to put a red fingerprint on a document in China, raise your hand. I have…on things like an apartment lease. And I found out that while “the West” was still in the Dark Ages (that is, by the Tang Dynasty), the Chinese were already using fingerprints in their daily business and legal enterprises. The Chinese Law Book of Yung-Hwui, (Tang Dynasty--over 1350 years ago), said that if a husband wants a divorce, he must “set forth which of the seven reasons was assigned for the action” and sign in his own handwriting or with his fingerprints.(*1) So, you Chinese people have known about this unique mark of identity a lot longer than the rest of the world.

            Another interesting thing about our fingerprints is that they don’t change. The Scienceline website (Scienceline.ucsb.edu) says that the ridges are formed just two months after a human egg is fertilized (so, many women aren’t even sure they are pregnant by the time their baby has fingerprints). What’s more, to quote another source: “superficial burns, cuts and scrapes do not affect fingerprints, as the original pattern is maintained when the new skin grows.” That’s amazing! As scienceline put it: “We are born with the same fingerprints that we will have all of our lives.”

            Why would God create a trillion unique fingerprints like this? Well, don’t ask scientists, because they don’t know. I did a lot of research. According to PhysOrg.com (2009): “Each of us is born with a unique set of them, although scientists aren't exactly sure what purpose fingerprints serve.” There are several theories. For a long time, it was believed that our fingerprints made it easier to get a grip on things, but British scientists disproved this in 2009. A French team of researchers found that the tiny lines seem to give us more tactile sensitivity—that is, they make our fingers more sensitive when we touch things. Others still hold that the lines improve our grip, but research supports this only on wet surfaces.

            But all of that would still be true, even if every finger was identical, leading one journal to conclude: “the research doesn’t explain why everyone’s fingerprints are unique.” The Scienceline website agrees, saying: “Scientists still haven’t figured out why the patterns are so different….”

 

            Why did God go to all the trouble to create a trillion different fingerprints? Maybe God knew we would need unique fingerprints for identification, but I think it was just one of the many subtle ways He had of saying “You, individually, are beautiful to me; I created you with a unique identity, and I love each and every individual I created.” The Bible says: “[God] seals up the hand of every man, that all men whom he made may know it.” (Job 37:7) And of course, God didn’t stop with your fingerprints. Your toe-prints are all different too. Add to this the fact that no two voices, eyes, or hands are alike, and you are faced with a lot of creativity in some awfully tiny spaces. Think about it and you’ll agree with the Psalmist: “We are fearfully and wonderfully made!” (Ps 139:14) That kind of creativity and attention to detail leads me to the inescapable conclusion that each one of us humans is a true “masterpiece work of art.”

 

            And if God cares so much about the image on your fingertips, surely He has an even bigger design in mind for your true identity. Now, as I said, our fingerprints are there when we are born. Well, one great thing about becoming a Christian is that you get a chance to be born again. The change from the “old me” and the “new me” is so dramatic, so complete, that Jesus said it was like being “born” again; born from above. And like those fingerprints, our eternal, authentic identity in Christ is born into us at the time of this second birth.

 

            What are some ways that this new birth changed my identity (and can also change yours)? I hope these categories sound familiar:

 

--birth/adoption (childhood family)

--marriage/family

--graduation

--employment status

--health issues  

 

            Birth/adoption/family status. No matter how good your family situation was, because of your birth, it can’t compare to God’s amazing gift of a new family and identity. The Bible says that (if we ask) God adopts us as His own children. We’ve sung about it: “Behold what manner of LOVE the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God!” And if that isn’t enough, God promises not to just live near you, but to live IN you, through the work of the Holy Spirit. That means He is always here to ask for help, wisdom, guidance, or just to help you know you are never alone.

            Furthermore, coming into God’s family was no accident; I was chosen. When you are picked for a team, or even when you are born into a family, it could just be an accident; but not when you become a Christian. If we are “adopted” into God’s family, that means that we are “chosen” in Christ. Perhaps you’ve thought about becoming a Christian for a long time, but the truth is that you are only thinking about it because God has worked very hard to woo you, and invite you into His eternal, worldwide family.

            Your graduation and “job description” are next. Before college you were “in the dark” about many things; similarly, the Bible says Christians have “graduated” from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light (Col 1:13). I know that is a little symbolic, but the idea is that bad things happen in the dark—for example, people steal, kill and destroy at night—but my “graduation” gave me a new freedom to live in the brightness of day, not afraid of being “caught” doing something wrong, or walking around blind like I’m in a dark tunnel.

            And just like a college graduation, this graduation should change your work description. We talked about all the pressure that comes from a boss, co-workers and even our own goals. Most people think that everything is on their own shoulders, and they must work hard to push themselves forward in the world. As a Christian, I know that God is “pushing me forward” so it isn’t all on my shoulders. While I still work hard to excel in my career, with “God in me” I discovered that the greatest joy comes from helping others (not just helping myself). As God changes our motivation and keeps the factors of identity in balance, we find authentic fulfillment (contentment), and intangible things become more important to our “job description” than material rewards. That is, money sort of loses its grip on our lives, and we find peace as we use our work-life to encourage, teach, love and serve others. But you know what? As any good salesman can tell you, when you focus on OTHERS instead of yourself, you not only enjoy life more, but you also tend to increase your earnings and influence. That’s a real win-win kind of job!

            Finally, letting your Creator bring out your true identity also improves your health. First, Christians report that they have far less stress than others, and a doctor-friend once told me that up to 90% of all illness can be linked (in part) to stress. Second, God has declared that you are forgiven of all sin and wrong, and that REALLY helps you sleep better at night. The Bible says that God’s mercies are new every morning. A Chinese friend of mine says that is the best part of his Christian faith—to know he is forgiven and thus every day gives him a chance to start fresh. Wouldn’t you like a “second chance”? I get one every day! And since sin can no longer keep me away from God or out of heaven, I know that today’s peace will go on forever, so I don’t even fear death! I’m free to live today to the fullest, without fear. So what if other people have more “toys” or expensive electronics than I do? I can even handle suffering, uncertainty, and other set-backs, because no matter how bad life is today, I know that it is just temporary. My future is brighter than my past! Knowing my God-given, authentic identity gives me better mental health, and that in turn gives me better physical health.

 

            Well, we are almost out of time, so let me wrap this up.

            At the beginning of this talk, you saw how hard it was for Shirley to convince me of her true identity. Why was it so hard? The evidence was there, but I didn’t want to believe.

            Today, we’ve looked at evidence that points to your true identity as someone individually designed for a reason. I can see God’s “fingerprints” when I look at both the starry hosts and microscopic DNA. And if you just look at your fingertips, and think about how hard it would be to make a trillion of them unique, I think you’ll find that God has left evidence of Himself no farther away than your own hand. Whether you ignore God or worship Him in response, can have eternal consequences.

            In the end, who was hurt because this man just wouldn’t believe Shirley? [He missed out on knowing a wonderful person!] You know, it is OK to look for evidence before you believe something, but once you get a certain amount of evidence, you just have to let go of your doubts. I don’t believe in “blind faith” but I believe that there is really a lot of evidence out there—even at the end of your fingertips! As GK Chesterton said, “The sign of a healthy mind is knowing when to close it on something solid, like the truth.” (1874–1936; Influential British Writer) If you keep walking away (like I did in the skit), you are just hurting yourself. AND you are robbing God of the chance to get to know the wonderful person you are! He designed you to be unique. There’s no one just like you. Shirley said, “In the end, you just have to take my word for it.” So, if you have never “taken his word for it”, you are missing out on the chance to combine your own wonderful uniqueness with a second authentic identity—an eternal identity—that Heaven wants to give you as a child of God.

            Maybe you need more evidence, and that is why the Bridge offers a short, five-week course called “A Faith You Can Experience.” There, you’ll get wonderful food, you’ll sing and share laughs, you’ll get to be your authentic self—just the way you are, and you can ask any honest question you want. It really is a great experience. To find out more, just ask!

To hear Michael's concert of original music at The Bridge, July 5, 2014, visit (you apparently need a Quicktime plug in):

http://matb.org/Bridge/jiang_zuo_LIFE_TALKS/tiao_mu/2014/7/5_LIFE_TALK__2014-07-05-_yin_le_hui.html

References
• *1 http://beechwoodcross.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-did-god-give-us-fingerprints.html; visited Oct 24,2014
Other sources:
• http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/19/percent-of-world-with-col_n_581807.html; visited Oct 31, 2014
• 100 People: A World Portrait [no date given, but a 2012 stat is cited]
• http://www.100people.org/statistics_100stats.php?section=statistics; visited Oct 31, 2014
• http://www.christianliferesources.com?5633; visited Oct 30, 2014
• http://phys.org/news158088270.html; visited Oct 30, 2014
• http://scienceline.ucsb.edu/getkey.php?key=2666; visited Oct 30, 2014
• http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17300-get-a-grip-truth-about-fingerprints-revealed.html#.VFIzlfmUeSo; visited Oct 30,2014
• http://frankviola.org/2013/02/25/whoareyou/; visited Oct 30,2014

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