Post-print Corrections

for Successful Writing for the Real World

by DeWitt Scott and Michael Krigline, 2008 -- www.krigline.com.cn

 Foreign Language Teaching and Research Press 外语教学与研究出版社

ISBN: 978-7-5600-7264-7; Chinese title: 高级实用英语写作

In the complicated process of getting this book published, I learned that mistakes slip into books in spite of tremendous effort on the part of the author and editorial team. Software changed my formatting, tired editors (or the tired author) made mistakes, and sometimes one person's opinion on how to punctuate or format simply differed from another's opinion. Since publication, I've found the following mistakes, formatting errors, and areas "in need of help." Some were my fault, but many slipped in by other means. If you are teaching a course with the aid of this book, I suggest that you print this page and keep it in your textbook (it might be helpful if a student says "Why isn't there a comma here" or some such thing). If you find more problems (and I’m sure there are some), please let me know (look here for my email address). To all who purchased my book, please accept my sincere apologies for the need of a "corrections page."

--Michael Krigline, September 2008 (there are a few additional comments at the bottom of this page)

pii. Part of the terminology I had promised Novell or other copyright holders to include, was somehow left out. Specifically, it should also say (blue parts are missing from the printed version):

     Major portions of this book come from Secrets of Successful Writing (by DeWitt H. Scott), copyright ©1989 Novell, Inc. All rights reserved. Used, modified, reprinted, and distributed with permission from Novell, Inc. Permission does not constitute an endorsement of any kind from Novell, Inc. (More specifically, the following sections contain material ©Novell: 1.1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 14.1, 16, 18.1, 18.2, 21, 23.1, 23.3, 24, 25, 27, 28, and DeWitt’s part of the summary lessons.) All other parts of this book, including photos and illustrations, are ©2008 Michael Krigline, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. When needed to help non-native-speaking English learners, Mr. Krigline has also changed, updated or added to Mr. Scott’s sections (especially lessons 12, 14, 24 & 28). Exercises and new content sections were added by Mr. Krigline. No parts of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the copyright holder(s). (See appendix D for contact information.)

p5 (1^st paragraph):

Once you master the lean paragraph, then you can move into write longer paragraphs and essays without boring your reader.

p16 Add a note and an example:

     Paraphrased passages will always give source information, and may even include a direct quotation. The first time you talk about the source, include a title or description (like Dr., British economist, or reporter); after that you can use the person’s title and family name. When you write, never refer to someone by his first name or by a family name without a title (e.g., “Mr. Michael”).

±     According to British economist John Stuart Mill, a lack of power over others is the only thing that stops us from forcing everyone to act as we think they should. Mr. Mill says that…

±    John S. Mill, a 19th century British economist, said that a lack of power over others is the only thing that stops us from forcing everyone to act as we think they should.

±     Wrong: British economist John Stuart Mill talked about our desire to force others to act as we think they should. John says that only a lack of power…

p42&43, Format of footnotes & Format of bibliographic entries:

There should be a comma between “publication date” and “date the website was visited” as shown in the “format” section of this chapter. But the following “examples” have a semi-colon instead of comma (and thus should be changed). The other examples in the book are correct.

            p42 bottom: …February 06, 2005, visited may 23…

            p43 middle: …February 06, 2005, visited may 23…

            p147 footnote: … August 20, 1991, visited June 18…

            p249 footnote: …cliches.html, visited January… (this citation is a little different because Prof Stovall asked for a certain format)

addition to footnote 38:

For examples of various other citation styles used in academia, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citing_Wikipedia. It is always best to ask your teacher why citation style he/she requires.

p43 Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up): The type from "Authors' names…" to "…Internet address" should be the same as the type for "Authors' names…" to "…Internet address" in the "Format for footnotes" on page 42. That is, both should be a block quote without indentation, and the font size should be like the correct entry on page 42. [This is one of numerous problems that entered the book when it got converted from English Microsoft Word format to whatever program the publisher used for typesetting.]

p44,

Outline for Popcorn Essay:

±     Thesis Statement (subject in bold italics, support points underlined): Popcorn is made with a special kind of corn, and for generations it has been widely enjoyed at home and in public places. [in the textbook, the ThSt is not in this order, but should be]

±     Support paragraphs

w A: a special kind of corn (corn with water inside)

w B: popular for generations (dating back before 1621)

w C: widely popular (more and more people eat it at home, movies, etc., in various flavors)

±     Conclusion (summarizes support, and concludes with a strong supportive fact and with the implication that popcorn is irresistible)

p50, Instructions for writing assignment C are not clear (perhaps the explanation should be in a footnote, but I don't want to change the footnote order/numbers):

Original: Your essay must include something paraphrased from an English source (i.e., you need to find information in English, and then use it in your paper without using any direct quotations). When you turn it in, you MUST attach a photocopy of the first page of one English source. (Be sure to include proper documentation, and do not plagiarize!)

Better: Your essay must include something paraphrased from an English source i.e., you need to find information in English, and then use it in your paper by including an indirect quotation—see 2.2b). When you turn it in, attach proof of the item’s source (see the explanation below). Be sure to include proper documentation, and do not plagiarize. Do not use personal references (e.g., I, me, my, ours). Double-space, and use 200 to 350 words. As always, give your essay a title. Exchange your draft with another pair of partners a day or two before it is due, and then use their suggestions to improve it. Your readers’ names should be written at the bottom of your first page. Follow the “Special instructions for all draft writing assignments” at the end of lesson 2. Don’t forget to put both of the writers’ names at the top, along with the word count, and the due date.

Example: Tom & Cindy (class 212), #C, 287 words, due Oct 28

(Explanation: Start your second support paragraph with the word “Similarly,…” or “Another aspect…” unless your teacher tells you otherwise. Choose a topic you are very familiar with.

Most of this essay must be your thoughts, expressed in your words, not something you copied. Use ONE “news” or encyclopedia-type source [do not use advertisements, personal blogs, student-written articles, or things from a “practice test” or “English corner” websites or magazines]. If your English source is a website, use your computer’s “print” button to print the page you are taking the paraphrased information from; this print will automatically include the complete web address. If the source is a book, photocopy the page your information came from, and also photocopy the book’s information page, including the ISBN number. If it is a newspaper or magazine, photocopy the section your information came from, and also copy the heading or footer that tells the issue and page number. If you can’t find this information, use a more legitimate source. Do not attach a copy of the whole webpage/article/book.)

Example: Tom 宋青松 2009123 & Cindy 马宁 2009321 (class 212), #C, 287 words, due Oct 28

[there should not be a period at the end of this line; it would also be good to include your name in characters and ID]

p54, Exercises

Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up): The “business card size” box should be beside or after #3, not numbers 1 and 2.

p89, G12a

Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up)

Everything from “Ordinal numbers (first…” to “…used in dates.” is one paragraph (not two). “If the spelled-out…” should not be indented. To make it easier, the first two examples could simply be moved to the end of the paragraph (i.e., above “Today we will…”).

p90, G12b (addition)

or Beijing (and the provinces) should never have hyphens or internal capital letters (wrong: Shang-hai, YunNan, Hai Nan).

p146 (addition)                               

(F) You can also use commas to set off non-essential information or comments (to be discussed in section 14.2). Transitional terms like however, therefore, instead and furthermore are also set off from the rest of the sentence by commas, but be careful to avoid comma splices when using these terms.

sAcademic essays, whether analytical or argumentative, should begin with an introduction and end with a clear conclusion.

sAcademic essays, however, should begin with an introduction and end with a clear conclusion.

sParagraphs in an academic essay, however, do not end with a conclusion.

sAcademic paragraphs end with a conclusion. However, paragraphs in an academic essay do not end with a conclusion. Instead, essays have a concluding paragraph.

sAcademic paragraphs end with a conclusion; however, paragraphs in an academic essay do not end with a conclusion. Essays have a concluding paragraph, instead. (Notice that these transitional terms can be placed before/after various phrases [but avoid putting them at the end of a sentence—see 12.2]. Furthermore, note that you cannot replace the semi-colon in this example with a comma [that would create a comma splice].)

p130-131

Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up):

The italicized line at the top of p 131 should have stayed with the bulleted section at the bottom of p130 (it is a “summary” statement about the use of the)

p132 (Quotation marks are missing from the word “British”)

(C)ii should say:

ii. People groups (like “Chinese” and “British”) that…

G15a(C)ii (addition)

Ethnic groups -- Many students make mistakes when trying to talk about minzu (民族), variously translated minorities, people, folk group, nationality and various other ways. According to my editors (in 2008), the only officially acceptable translation within China is “ethnic group.”

w        Buddhism has had a great effect on the education of the Dai ethnic group. (Although you could technically omit ethnic group, this sentence sounds better with the full form of this proper collective noun. The is not optional.)

w        Wrong: My study has taught me a lot about Dai minority’s life style.

w        Right: My studies have taught me a lot about the lifestyle of the Dai ethnic group.

p151 [addition to 14.2b (B) and (C)]

(B) One space normally follows punctuation marks (except a dash, slash and hyphen, which have no spaces after them).

(C) The periods within abbreviations and web addresses (for example, U.S.A. or www.krigline.com.cn/realworld.htm) do not need spaces after them, and if an abbreviation ends a sentence, do not use two periods.

p183 (a period is in the wrong place; the final example in the first block should say…)

--Right: She eats well daily. (adverbs of manner come before adverbs of frequency)

(continued)

p202 (addition)

(B)  Trouble is usually an uncountable noun or a verb. Native speakers occasionally say troubles, but English-learners should avoid this usage because it is often used in a joking way. Furthermore (like problems in G4b), we don’t “meet trouble,” we encounter or run into trouble.

±     Graduates complain that they have a lot of trouble when looking for a job.

±     I hate to trouble you, but could you proofread this paragraph for me?

±     When one roommate encounters trouble, he/she can get help from the others.

p219.

Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up):

The introduction for exercise “(E) Details” should be on the next page with the exercise.

p225, footnote 171 contains an unneeded and incorrect word (originally, it said “wrote these chapters” but a computer changed it to “these lessons,” which sounded strange so I wanted to it to be “wrote this in…”). It was supposed to say:

Loaded words, like the clichés in lesson 23, change over time. Mr. Scott originally wrote this in the 1980s, so I’ve had to rephrase several parts to accommodate the changes. Michael Krigline

p255. Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up):

the title of the sample interview feature should be sentence case, not title case. (Someone at the Press changed this.) In other words it should be:

A movie world without pirates

Also p255. A footnote would be appropriate to explain the following:

     footnote: The punctuation marks       <<    >> are used to indicate the Chinese translation for English films or books. These are not English punctuation marks, so many English readers will not know what they are for. I would normally leave them out of an English text, but the publisher added them and insisted that they remain. In English, book and movie titles are shown in italics (see G7c).

p266, verb tense problem. Since lesson 23 is before lesson 25 (though it wasn’t in the original order!), it should be:

            One problem with metaphors is that, like crystal clear, they often begin life with promise and

end as clichés (a problem we dealt with in lesson 23). Another problem is that non-native readers…

pg 271 footnote should read:

but indented paragraphs are rare in letters these days, and are sometimes considered “old fashioned.”

p275, 26d(D); I had included the following explanation, since many students make mistakes with “How about…”.

            --How about a movie after the meeting? (This means, "Would you like to see a movie…")

p275, 26e(A)

should be “Peking University” not “Beijing University”

p284. Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up):

: “for” should be double-underlined [which I can't do on line!]:

CHinese to English)for the training course of our Association in Xi'an. The training will be

p292 (clarification)

Ф  benefit, impact—First, note the spelling (benifit). Second, remember that impact was on the list of showoffs in section 23.3a. But if you must use them, benefit and impact are better nouns than verbs. In general, it is safer for non-native speakers to use benefit [countable] and impact [non-countable] as nouns rather than verbs. Both are used in idiomatic ways that non-native speakers might not know. For example, expressions like “the impact of,” “made a big impact,” “many benefits,” “the benefit of the doubt” and “[some group of people +] benefit from [+ noun]” are common, but native speakers rarely say “I benefit,” “that benefits me” or “you will benefit a lot from.” Likewise, whenever I hear someone say they were “impacted” by something, it makes me think of an impacted tooth. [An impacted tooth is growing under another tooth so that it cannot develop correctly.]

±     Weak (non-standard): I benefit a lot from this course. This course benefits me a lot.

±     Better: This course is good for me. This course helps me a lot. Students have benefitted from this course in many ways.

±     Right: This company offers good benefits.

±     OK (notice that the object is not “me”): The new hospital truly benefits the community. (or benefits the poor)

±     Better: The new hospital has brought many benefits to the community.

±     Weak: The new law strongly impacted people.

±     Better: The new law made a big impact on people. The impact of the new law was strong.

p294. Correction

dive, dived, dove—The swimmer likes to dive, he dived yesterday, and has dived many times before. Avoid the particularly American abuse: Some North Americans also say, “He dove into the pool,” but your teacher may mark dove as a misused word. A dove is a bird, a symbol for peace, or a peace advocate.

(DeWitt simply wrote: “The verb is dived; the other is a bird.” p 120)

p310, (5) is unclear (the summary is too oversimplified)

Don’t tell, don’t explain—show. That is, stir the reader’s imagination, but don’t get wordy. Get your brevity by selection, not just by compression.

p314. Formatting problem (i.e., the content is correct but the format is messed up):

The following should be a sub-bullet, not a bullet:

bullet    --Do is used for general questions in the present or past. When you don’t know which

              aux. to choose, or when your verb does not need any special emphasis, then choose do.

sub-bullet          ~~Do you play the piano often? Do they study English or science? Does he talk a lot?

                            Did he go to a movie yesterday? Did we have homework assigned on Friday?

p329 (add this to B; this was suggested by my Canadian proofreader to balance the "in a fax" option in section D)

            --Wang Zhi often talks to his parents by the phone, while Zhou Wei stays in touch (with

              his parents) by the e-mail or by the ICQ. Hannah sent her resume by the fax.

p 333 (website address change)

Footnote 246 directs you to a Hong Kong University of Science and Technology website with a list of intransitive verbs. They have changed the address.

OLD: http://ocs1.ust.hk/ English-Grammar-Guide/Verbs/intransitive_verbs.htm

NEW (as of 4-09) http://learning.cl3.ust.hk/english-grammar-guide/Verbs/intransitive_verbs.htm

--Click "more" on that page, and you get a huge list. It worked in Explorer (on my computer) but not on Firefox.

p 335, G1c (addition)

Chinese English-learners also often wrongly write “I studied in my summer vacation;” we do things in a place or a month, on a date, and during a period of time. Better: I studied during my summer vacation. I slept during lunchtime. I worked in July. My hometown is Xingtai, in Hebei Province. I graduated on May 25.

p338, comma in the wrong place (for American usage)

cannot refer to something in the future, unlike “zuìjìn (最近),” which can mean “recently” or “soon.”

p346 G5a (addition)

These terms need to signal a contrast, not a similarity. If you are trying to show that two things are similar, use “in addition” or one of its synonyms. If you are simply presenting information (like support points in a paragraph), use “firstly,” “secondly,” or transitions like “in addition” or “furthermore.” (see section 12.2)

p370, lower right box, comma error

p407. Answer key. There is an extra space and a misplaced period in #2, and “a” should have been underlined, not italicized in (o).

2. Translate…  I’ve come across a few questions/problems/issues. (We would not say “I have met problems/questions/issues.)

3. (o) …and who are making a contribution to build society…

p428, Answer key, Appendix C (G1)

(i) should be “Peking University” not “Beijing University”

p 441, change

the definition for “forgo” should read like this:

forgo [or forego]: [vt] to omit or do without something, esp. by choice in order to get something more important {11}

(However, note that some dictionaries say that both forgo and forego are correct!)

Add this to the "help for teachers" section:

Lesson 3 (how to begin). Here is a suggestion for filling extra time. As a class or in small groups, talk about the difference between how things start and what they look like when finished. Use fields other than English (like building or music). Another suggestion is to start lesson four (see below).

Lesson 4 (academic essay). First, it you have two weeks for lesson four, use them! There are many complicated ideas here, and many students say they are significantly different from the way they were taught to write in English. Second, add these comments at the end of 4.1a.

Nine questions that can save your essay.

            Phone somebody in the class. Read your one-sentence Thesis Statement (ThSt; the last sentence in your first paragraph). Ask: (1) What is my essay about? (2) What is the first paragraph about? (3) What is the second paragraph about? If the person can’t answer correctly, then you have a weak ThSt.

            Then do the same with each support paragraph’s Topic Sentence (TS; the first sentence in each body paragraph). Ask (4) What is this paragraph about? (5) What are my major support points? If the person can’t answer correctly, the you have a weak TS.

            Finally, call a different person and read your conclusion (the whole final paragraph). Ask: (6) What is my paper about? (7) What is my first support paragraph about? (8) What is my second support paragraph about? (9) What is my implication? If the person can’t answer correctly, you have a weak conclusion.

The editors also added “by…” to the authors’ names, above the sample essays in my answer key (this wasn’t—and isn’t—in the file on my computer).

A few more comments about the problems in this textbook.

This textbook is more useful and has less typographical mistakes than the original I submitted to the publisher in 2006, and I'm grateful for the help they gave in many places. However, they also changed a few things I would rather have not changed. For example, I asked the publisher not to indent the single-paragraph sample essays (because single-paragraph student essays should not be indented), but they did it anyway. I included space in the textbook for students to mark "rewriting practice" essays and many of the exercises; most of these spaces are gone. My original file had a lot more white space (between sections, examples, paragraphs, etc), and the section/lesson format was very different from the way it looks now. Interestingly, they added white space to the answer key. They also changed my glossary from a hanging indent format (like a dictionary) to something I find harder to scan for vocabulary entries. I think the publisher made many of these changes to reduce the number of pages. This is commendable (I hate wasting paper!), but on occasion, the result is difficult to read, or there is no space between paragraphs like there should be. I had to move a lot of things around to accommodate their formatting changes (and some explanations or examples lost clarity in the process). As the deadline for publication approached, the publisher (constantly busy with tons of other work) suddenly found themselves under a tight deadline to get it finished; this led to a flurry of emails to show me the new format, which I had to compare to my original and suggest corrections. I guess we all just ran out of time to fix all the things that got corrupted in the conversion process, though a tremendous effort successfully fixed hundreds of problems. But the editors or typesetters also made a number of last-minute changes without telling me, usually just using an alternate grammatically-correct phrase/notation/form/etc., but sometimes adding errors. As I find problems, or as my students point out things that could be clearer, I will post them on this “post-print corrections” page.

--Michael Krigline

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